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Episode 2: KrystaKrysta is a trans woman incarcerated in Texas. She is featured in all editions of A Queer Prisoner’s Comix Anthology from A.B.O. Comix publications, and is the author of Anthology of an Artist from the same press. She speaks with host Casper Cendre and special guest Ollie Mills about surviving near-death experiences, finding love and making magical comic art inside prison.
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INTRO
0:00 Conductor Trig: You are now boarding Teleway 411, departing from the realm of brick and barbed wire. Next stop, inside the minds and lives locked away behind bars. Beware of the shifting airwaves as they may cause turbulence. Please stand clear of the evolving doors.
0:21 Casper: Dispatching from the Telegraph and Broadway terminal in Oakland, we transport the stories of queer artists in prison througout the United States. Our conversations with people navigating the justice system work to shed light on the reality of life inside. My name is Casper and I am the co-founder and host of Teleway 411, a podcast produced by A.B.O. Comix.
The Teleway was invented because of the archaic routes required to navigate the prison system. The restrictions put in place require creative detours to reach our contributors inside. Communication is halted at the discretion of the prison, and can leave our passengers feeling stranded. However, by using the Teleway to defy space and time, we’re able to come together and traverse the lives that have been stalled indefinitely, while also giving them a push to move them forward.
Today, our passenger is Krysta, a prisoner in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, or TDCJ for short. Krysta was one of the first artists to write us at A.B.O. Comix, back when it was nothing more than an idea. Opening her letter at the post office for the first time made me feel like A.B.O. could be something magical. In this episode, we talk about Krysta’s near death experiences, trying to teach a psychopath how to love, being a witch inside prison and much more.
1:38 Ollie: And my name’s Ollie. I’m Casper’s assistant. And I’m thrilled to be joining this conversation today.
1:43 Casper: Let’s dive right in.
1:46 Krysta: Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Krysta Marie Morningstarr*-Cox. For the record, I'm not politically correct, or as today's language puts it, “woke.” However, if you're looking for awakening, you can picture me as the alarm clock. I have issues tolerating the willful ignorance of society today. Too many people spend their lives with their heads up their own ass. So if the pen is mightier than the sword, mine is a weapon of mass deconstruction. Each word I write, each picture I draw, is a pellet of depleted uranium in my nuclear arsenal for my war against willful ignorance. But I believe the singer Lorde put it best in her new song: “Just think of me as a prettier Jesus.”
0:21 Casper: Dispatching from the Telegraph and Broadway terminal in Oakland, we transport the stories of queer artists in prison througout the United States. Our conversations with people navigating the justice system work to shed light on the reality of life inside. My name is Casper and I am the co-founder and host of Teleway 411, a podcast produced by A.B.O. Comix.
The Teleway was invented because of the archaic routes required to navigate the prison system. The restrictions put in place require creative detours to reach our contributors inside. Communication is halted at the discretion of the prison, and can leave our passengers feeling stranded. However, by using the Teleway to defy space and time, we’re able to come together and traverse the lives that have been stalled indefinitely, while also giving them a push to move them forward.
Today, our passenger is Krysta, a prisoner in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, or TDCJ for short. Krysta was one of the first artists to write us at A.B.O. Comix, back when it was nothing more than an idea. Opening her letter at the post office for the first time made me feel like A.B.O. could be something magical. In this episode, we talk about Krysta’s near death experiences, trying to teach a psychopath how to love, being a witch inside prison and much more.
1:38 Ollie: And my name’s Ollie. I’m Casper’s assistant. And I’m thrilled to be joining this conversation today.
1:43 Casper: Let’s dive right in.
1:46 Krysta: Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Krysta Marie Morningstarr*-Cox. For the record, I'm not politically correct, or as today's language puts it, “woke.” However, if you're looking for awakening, you can picture me as the alarm clock. I have issues tolerating the willful ignorance of society today. Too many people spend their lives with their heads up their own ass. So if the pen is mightier than the sword, mine is a weapon of mass deconstruction. Each word I write, each picture I draw, is a pellet of depleted uranium in my nuclear arsenal for my war against willful ignorance. But I believe the singer Lorde put it best in her new song: “Just think of me as a prettier Jesus.”
WARM UP AND SELF ID
2:31 Casper: You've previously described yourself as, “Crazy as a shit house rat on meth.” Do you still identify that way?
2:39 Krysta: No. No, no, not crazy as a shit house rat on meth anymore. Now I know for a fact that I'm batshit crazy, stuck in a shit house and I'm on PCP.
2:50 Casper: Well, that's quite a development. What happened since the last time?
2:54 Krysta: The truth came out. No, no, no. I say this in a self-deprecating manner. Okay. And it's not that I'm putting myself down. It's more so that I know that I have mental issues and they center around Dissociative Identity Disorder. And they also center around Schizo-Affective Disorder. So sometimes I have good days and then sometimes all four of us in here, we're having a bad day. That's pretty much the size of it.
3:30 Casper: Yeah, it's a pretty silly description. And I think it's always made all of us laugh whenever we get a chance to hear you say it. Radical honesty and feisty humor are two things that really stand out in your work. And we were wondering, was this always the case, even back when you were a teenager, and if you could tell us some about the early years of your life?
2:39 Krysta: No. No, no, not crazy as a shit house rat on meth anymore. Now I know for a fact that I'm batshit crazy, stuck in a shit house and I'm on PCP.
2:50 Casper: Well, that's quite a development. What happened since the last time?
2:54 Krysta: The truth came out. No, no, no. I say this in a self-deprecating manner. Okay. And it's not that I'm putting myself down. It's more so that I know that I have mental issues and they center around Dissociative Identity Disorder. And they also center around Schizo-Affective Disorder. So sometimes I have good days and then sometimes all four of us in here, we're having a bad day. That's pretty much the size of it.
3:30 Casper: Yeah, it's a pretty silly description. And I think it's always made all of us laugh whenever we get a chance to hear you say it. Radical honesty and feisty humor are two things that really stand out in your work. And we were wondering, was this always the case, even back when you were a teenager, and if you could tell us some about the early years of your life?
YOUNGER YEARS
3:50 Krysta: I was always a precocious kid. I was also that same thing about the intelligence and the brutal honesty has gotten me into a lot of trouble too, because that same bit of wit also leads towards a smart mouth. And a lot of people don't really like it. That's been a problem of mine throughout my life, but yes, as far as the wanting to learn, the wanting to study, that's always been the way that I've been. And about my early years, I don't know exactly what you want to know. I was uprooted a lot as a child. I had to move from school to school, so I never really got the chance to put down roots anywhere. I never really had the chance to make any permanent friends in any places. My parents tended to want to leave me to my own devices. So I was basically left with my toys, my books, and my games for the most of my childhood.
4:52 Ollie: Can you tell me about any favorite books, games, toys that you had when you were a child?
4:57 Krysta: I’ve always loved video games. I started off with digital entertainment. When I was five years old, my dad bought me a TRS 80 Color Computer 2. This is like really telling my age, but I had to program this thing in order to make it do anything. On the other hand, it did have cartridges. So, like the early days of the Nintendo systems, you could put cartridges in it and it would play games. As far as books go, I liked the Piers Anthony XANTH novels a lot.
5:30 Ollie: I wanted to know Krysta, if this passion of yours for reading and writing and playing games has shifted since your incarceration, whether it's had a chance to expand?
5:45 Krysta: No, no, it's not just been from my incarceration, but being incarcerated has certainly allowed me the time to study some of the more intense things that I would have liked to have studied prior, much like drawing was one of them. But like I said, I was left to my own devices as a child. One of the things that I learned first on, early on, was that words had power. So I would spend my time reading the dictionary for fun, and that combined with programming my own computer to do things for me, pretty much set me on the path towards always wanting to learn something. I got addicted to knowing shit very early on.
6:27 Ollie: Well, I can definitely relate to the experience of reading the dictionary for fun. I once got a group of friends at school to help me transcribe the dictionary, just so that we got all the words deep into our consciousness. But as somebody who's like, you're saying addicted to learning stuff, what's been your most recent focus? What types of new things are catching your attention?
6:52 Krysta: Well, I'm studying Japanese right now.
6:54 Ollie: That’s cool.
6:55 Krysta: Teaching myself how to read, write, and speak it.
6:57 Casper: How long have you been studying Japanese, Krysta?
7:00 Krysta: Not counting what I've been trying to pick up from watching animes and reading manga, I've been deliberately trying to teach myself Japanese for about the last four years. Having grown up with the video games, which most of them were programmed in Japan and having grown up watching anime, which I always had a very huge draw to, I saw a culture that was different from the culture that I saw around me as I was growing up. And personally it was one that I admired, one that I found a lot of honor in. And it basically–that culture is where I tried to raise myself. So to speak.
7:38 Casper: I think it's really interesting that you've delved so far into that and you're making so much progress. So, what motivates you to keep going with your art and how do you keep yourself going everyday?
7:49 Krysta: Oh, my God, that's a question that I ask myself often too, but knowing that I actually have a future as an artist and with A.B.O., that helps a lot and my husband helps keep me focused on it as well.
8:00 Casper: That's very sweet. I'm so glad that you have his support and it's always so nice to get to hear from you as well. And I was thinking you have a background as a DJ, but you couldn't really continue making music while you're in prison. So what was the process like of pivoting from being a musician, being a DJ, to drawing and painting and making comics on the inside?
4:52 Ollie: Can you tell me about any favorite books, games, toys that you had when you were a child?
4:57 Krysta: I’ve always loved video games. I started off with digital entertainment. When I was five years old, my dad bought me a TRS 80 Color Computer 2. This is like really telling my age, but I had to program this thing in order to make it do anything. On the other hand, it did have cartridges. So, like the early days of the Nintendo systems, you could put cartridges in it and it would play games. As far as books go, I liked the Piers Anthony XANTH novels a lot.
5:30 Ollie: I wanted to know Krysta, if this passion of yours for reading and writing and playing games has shifted since your incarceration, whether it's had a chance to expand?
5:45 Krysta: No, no, it's not just been from my incarceration, but being incarcerated has certainly allowed me the time to study some of the more intense things that I would have liked to have studied prior, much like drawing was one of them. But like I said, I was left to my own devices as a child. One of the things that I learned first on, early on, was that words had power. So I would spend my time reading the dictionary for fun, and that combined with programming my own computer to do things for me, pretty much set me on the path towards always wanting to learn something. I got addicted to knowing shit very early on.
6:27 Ollie: Well, I can definitely relate to the experience of reading the dictionary for fun. I once got a group of friends at school to help me transcribe the dictionary, just so that we got all the words deep into our consciousness. But as somebody who's like, you're saying addicted to learning stuff, what's been your most recent focus? What types of new things are catching your attention?
6:52 Krysta: Well, I'm studying Japanese right now.
6:54 Ollie: That’s cool.
6:55 Krysta: Teaching myself how to read, write, and speak it.
6:57 Casper: How long have you been studying Japanese, Krysta?
7:00 Krysta: Not counting what I've been trying to pick up from watching animes and reading manga, I've been deliberately trying to teach myself Japanese for about the last four years. Having grown up with the video games, which most of them were programmed in Japan and having grown up watching anime, which I always had a very huge draw to, I saw a culture that was different from the culture that I saw around me as I was growing up. And personally it was one that I admired, one that I found a lot of honor in. And it basically–that culture is where I tried to raise myself. So to speak.
7:38 Casper: I think it's really interesting that you've delved so far into that and you're making so much progress. So, what motivates you to keep going with your art and how do you keep yourself going everyday?
7:49 Krysta: Oh, my God, that's a question that I ask myself often too, but knowing that I actually have a future as an artist and with A.B.O., that helps a lot and my husband helps keep me focused on it as well.
8:00 Casper: That's very sweet. I'm so glad that you have his support and it's always so nice to get to hear from you as well. And I was thinking you have a background as a DJ, but you couldn't really continue making music while you're in prison. So what was the process like of pivoting from being a musician, being a DJ, to drawing and painting and making comics on the inside?
ART
8:21 Krysta: Oh, it was frustrating. It was frustrating. At first I couldn't draw for shit. However, just like when I first started learning to be a musician, I knew that I had the spark in me- that spark of creativity, all I had to do is feed it and fan the flames. So I just kept at it and kept at it and kept at it. Regardless of whether anybody said it was good, bad, ugly, or whatever, until I actually set upon it.
8:45 Casper: You have talked in your works about how you've always had a love for art. Can you talk a little bit about what your relationship has been like with us at A.B.O. Comix and how that's helped you continue this passion while you've been incarcerated?
8:58 Krysta: Part of my life dream, part of my entire vision of myself was to be a tool for that change of teaching, of education of people. And I realized pretty early on that being an artist was what it was going to take to make this happen as a single person, at least on some level. So when I submitted my art to you guys about four or five years ago, and you picked it up and said that you loved it, it was a lifeline to someone that was feeling very suicidal and worthless at that point in time. So when I say you guys quite literally saved my life, you did just do that.
9:40 Ollie: That's quite a powerful statement. Do you see your art as some kind of elixir of life, some sort of life sustaining force?
9:48 Krysta: Well, really it's more like the only choice I have. My muse wouldn't have it any other way.
9:52 Casper: Can you tell us a little bit more about your muses?
9:56 Krysta: I hesitate to call it an entity, but it's what it feels like that speaks with me on the inside. And it says, “Do this. You must do this.” It's a compelling force, much like the need to take a breath or the need to eat my next meal. It's a very powerful energy that drives me to do this thing.
10:18 Ollie: Wow. That's really resonant with me as an artist myself, albeit in another medium, but I'd really like to get more down to the nitty gritty of your art. So could you tell us when you're the most active, when you're making your art normally?
10:33 Krysta: When I'm most active? When I'm high. No, really, uh, that's sad to say, it's about the truth, but the rest of the time, I'm so frustrated with prison life that it's about what it takes and I'm just waiting until I can get out in the world and have legitimate legal medicinals that will help me. Though, the entire country seems to be changing in that aspect. So I'm holding out hope. But I do plan to move to California. So y'all already have it right out there. Last night, whenever I was going to bed and I was feeling pretty sad about the state of affairs that we're still stuck in here, John and I for the next couple of years, at least, I'm sitting here depressed about this and this song comes on and the hook of the song says, “Wait for me, California, I'm on my way.”
11:27 Casper: You have a home with us here. And I think that that is so valid. I think people really look down on chemical stimulants, just in life, in general. It's been an integral part of the art movement for as long as art has been around, you know, back to cave paintings, people were doing ayahuasca. For me, I feel like drugs really expand your consciousness and they can give you the motivation and the confidence and the, like, willpower to create some of the most beautiful works of art that I think have ever been created in the world.
12:00 Krysta: Yes, it’s the journey before the destination. That’s very true.
12:04 Ollie: Can you tell us a little bit more about your creative process? Where do you get the supplies? What do you use?
12:10 Krysta: What do I use? Where do I get the supplies to make this stuff? That's a cop question, you know, I am still in jail, right? Getting good art supplies is very difficult in here. Sometimes I use latex wall paint, and sometimes I use burnt Vaseline soot. You have to get really creative in what you use to make good art because actual good art supplies are in short supply. I recently paid $40 for a paintbrush that would cost someone probably ten bucks in the free world.
12:44 Casper: What supplies do they actually sell at commissary for you?
12:47 Krysta: I have a very basic watercolor set and a very basic colored pencil set that they have. Sometimes I can find people that have colored pencils that someone has snuck in for them or paintbrushes that people snuck in for them, henceforth the $40 paintbrush I just mentioned, but what's actually available to me? I have a 15 by 20 inch piece of Bristol board. That's not even Bristol brand Bristol board. I have 9 inch by 12 inch art paper. And that's it.
13:21 Casper: Yeah, that's extremely, extremely limited. But you are able to make so many incredible things with the small amount of supplies that you have.
13:29 Krysta: Thank you. Like I said, you have to get creative. Sometimes I use bleach and floor wax in my art.
8:45 Casper: You have talked in your works about how you've always had a love for art. Can you talk a little bit about what your relationship has been like with us at A.B.O. Comix and how that's helped you continue this passion while you've been incarcerated?
8:58 Krysta: Part of my life dream, part of my entire vision of myself was to be a tool for that change of teaching, of education of people. And I realized pretty early on that being an artist was what it was going to take to make this happen as a single person, at least on some level. So when I submitted my art to you guys about four or five years ago, and you picked it up and said that you loved it, it was a lifeline to someone that was feeling very suicidal and worthless at that point in time. So when I say you guys quite literally saved my life, you did just do that.
9:40 Ollie: That's quite a powerful statement. Do you see your art as some kind of elixir of life, some sort of life sustaining force?
9:48 Krysta: Well, really it's more like the only choice I have. My muse wouldn't have it any other way.
9:52 Casper: Can you tell us a little bit more about your muses?
9:56 Krysta: I hesitate to call it an entity, but it's what it feels like that speaks with me on the inside. And it says, “Do this. You must do this.” It's a compelling force, much like the need to take a breath or the need to eat my next meal. It's a very powerful energy that drives me to do this thing.
10:18 Ollie: Wow. That's really resonant with me as an artist myself, albeit in another medium, but I'd really like to get more down to the nitty gritty of your art. So could you tell us when you're the most active, when you're making your art normally?
10:33 Krysta: When I'm most active? When I'm high. No, really, uh, that's sad to say, it's about the truth, but the rest of the time, I'm so frustrated with prison life that it's about what it takes and I'm just waiting until I can get out in the world and have legitimate legal medicinals that will help me. Though, the entire country seems to be changing in that aspect. So I'm holding out hope. But I do plan to move to California. So y'all already have it right out there. Last night, whenever I was going to bed and I was feeling pretty sad about the state of affairs that we're still stuck in here, John and I for the next couple of years, at least, I'm sitting here depressed about this and this song comes on and the hook of the song says, “Wait for me, California, I'm on my way.”
11:27 Casper: You have a home with us here. And I think that that is so valid. I think people really look down on chemical stimulants, just in life, in general. It's been an integral part of the art movement for as long as art has been around, you know, back to cave paintings, people were doing ayahuasca. For me, I feel like drugs really expand your consciousness and they can give you the motivation and the confidence and the, like, willpower to create some of the most beautiful works of art that I think have ever been created in the world.
12:00 Krysta: Yes, it’s the journey before the destination. That’s very true.
12:04 Ollie: Can you tell us a little bit more about your creative process? Where do you get the supplies? What do you use?
12:10 Krysta: What do I use? Where do I get the supplies to make this stuff? That's a cop question, you know, I am still in jail, right? Getting good art supplies is very difficult in here. Sometimes I use latex wall paint, and sometimes I use burnt Vaseline soot. You have to get really creative in what you use to make good art because actual good art supplies are in short supply. I recently paid $40 for a paintbrush that would cost someone probably ten bucks in the free world.
12:44 Casper: What supplies do they actually sell at commissary for you?
12:47 Krysta: I have a very basic watercolor set and a very basic colored pencil set that they have. Sometimes I can find people that have colored pencils that someone has snuck in for them or paintbrushes that people snuck in for them, henceforth the $40 paintbrush I just mentioned, but what's actually available to me? I have a 15 by 20 inch piece of Bristol board. That's not even Bristol brand Bristol board. I have 9 inch by 12 inch art paper. And that's it.
13:21 Casper: Yeah, that's extremely, extremely limited. But you are able to make so many incredible things with the small amount of supplies that you have.
13:29 Krysta: Thank you. Like I said, you have to get creative. Sometimes I use bleach and floor wax in my art.
LIFE INSIDE
13:35 Casper: So what is it like for you as someone that kind of has limited financial means? Like what sort of things are provided to you? What sort of things are you responsible for providing for yourself on the inside?
13:46 Krysta: It's very difficult being someone that has limited outside financial support. The only thing that the state actually provides you in here is a set of clothes, one razor a week, a single roll of toilet paper a week, 4 bars of lye soap a week and three meals a day that are covered in flies. I'm not exaggerating about that.
14:10 Casper: What kind of meals do you all have to look forward to?
14:14 Krysta: Whatever it is, it will come with insects, but sometimes they have something worth the fuck, other times, not so much. On the shitty end of the spectrum, they have my least favorite meal, which is pork noodle casserole, which is some form of ground pig mixed with the elbow macaroni and no seasoning. And on the good end of the spectrum, they've been known to make baked chicken and fried chicken from time to time, maybe twice a month. The baked chicken. I like chicken patties. They serve us cold cuts from time to time, which is preferable to a lot of the food that they actually call food. Somebody asked me “What’s for chow?” once, and I said, “It's food, but it's questionable.”
14:55 Casper: So it's pretty hard for folks who don't have any sort of financial income to help supplement their diets with goods and stuff from commissary, right?
15:04 Krysta: Yeah. It's, it's very difficult. We don't get paid in Texas to actually do the work that they force us to do. It's all slave labor here, but there's hustles. We can wash other people's laundry for basically a ramen noodle an item. We work on a barter system here. So a ramen noodle costs 30 cents out of the commissary. So you're breaking your back just to try and put a little food in your locker. And I wish it was different because I come down with dysentery eating the food out of the chow hall. I was hospitalized over this about two years ago.
15:36 Ollie: That's awful. Do you ever make commissions for other people who are inside as a way of bartering?
15:42 Krysta: I don’t, no. I tried this at one point in time. But, luckily, I have found you guys and A.B.O. and come to understand that even being sporadically paid by you guys for my work beats what the other inmates will pay me for my work, and an overall cost versus production time scenario, the most that most inside artists get for a single page of art is a dollar. And, I'm topping that with you guys by far with every single piece of art that I've ever sent you. It's not profitable for me to spend my time making art for other inmates.
13:46 Krysta: It's very difficult being someone that has limited outside financial support. The only thing that the state actually provides you in here is a set of clothes, one razor a week, a single roll of toilet paper a week, 4 bars of lye soap a week and three meals a day that are covered in flies. I'm not exaggerating about that.
14:10 Casper: What kind of meals do you all have to look forward to?
14:14 Krysta: Whatever it is, it will come with insects, but sometimes they have something worth the fuck, other times, not so much. On the shitty end of the spectrum, they have my least favorite meal, which is pork noodle casserole, which is some form of ground pig mixed with the elbow macaroni and no seasoning. And on the good end of the spectrum, they've been known to make baked chicken and fried chicken from time to time, maybe twice a month. The baked chicken. I like chicken patties. They serve us cold cuts from time to time, which is preferable to a lot of the food that they actually call food. Somebody asked me “What’s for chow?” once, and I said, “It's food, but it's questionable.”
14:55 Casper: So it's pretty hard for folks who don't have any sort of financial income to help supplement their diets with goods and stuff from commissary, right?
15:04 Krysta: Yeah. It's, it's very difficult. We don't get paid in Texas to actually do the work that they force us to do. It's all slave labor here, but there's hustles. We can wash other people's laundry for basically a ramen noodle an item. We work on a barter system here. So a ramen noodle costs 30 cents out of the commissary. So you're breaking your back just to try and put a little food in your locker. And I wish it was different because I come down with dysentery eating the food out of the chow hall. I was hospitalized over this about two years ago.
15:36 Ollie: That's awful. Do you ever make commissions for other people who are inside as a way of bartering?
15:42 Krysta: I don’t, no. I tried this at one point in time. But, luckily, I have found you guys and A.B.O. and come to understand that even being sporadically paid by you guys for my work beats what the other inmates will pay me for my work, and an overall cost versus production time scenario, the most that most inside artists get for a single page of art is a dollar. And, I'm topping that with you guys by far with every single piece of art that I've ever sent you. It's not profitable for me to spend my time making art for other inmates.
OTHER ARTISTS
16:20 Casper: Do you ever collaborate with any other artists inside your units?
16:23 Krysta: No. No, no. I don't. I admire the art that a lot of the other artists have, but as far as collaboration with them, I don't because the style of art that 99.9% of the people make here, it's not the style of art that I make, which is comic art. It’s very rare to find someone that makes comic art. And as a matter of fact, I only know one other person on this entire unit, out of 1400 people that does it. And that's Harold Lee, he works with you guys as well. He does that Podlife stuff.
16:56 Casper: Yes, that's so cool. Do you know him in person?
16:59 Krysta: I've met him.
17:00 Casper: It's so cool. I love that a lot of the people that we collaborate through A.B.O. Comix have at least, at the very least, met each other. That's pretty cool.
17:08 Krysta: I would like to meet more of them. I really would.
17:11 Casper: So you did say that comic art is not so common as far as art forms go, that you've seen people create. What is the most common art form do you think?
17:21 Krysta: Realist portrait drawing. They take their artwork and they try to make it as realistic to photo realistic as possible. So a lot of people draw portraits and that is an art form that will make you a little bit more money on the inside because the person will pay you $10 to $20 a piece if you can draw a portrait of their family. That's a little more lucrative than my style of drawing, which people will only pay about a dollar a page for something like that to draw a greeting card. This is what most people draw, realistic type paintings and portraits.
17:56 Casper: That definitely makes sense, but it's kind of a tough medium to get really good at. You've mentioned before that it's really difficult to keep a hold of your art in prison. Do you think most people end up sending art to people on the outside for that reason? Are you able to sort of decorate your houses and stuff with it or does most of the art get sent to the outside?
18:16 Krysta: Oh no. You're not allowed to decorate your houses at all. I pushed the issue, the wall that the guards can't see, on the outside of the door, that's where I keep all of the stuff that I hang up. So they can't see it, but you're not allowed to do that at all. And, I wouldn't know other people's motivations for sending art to the outside. Personally, it's one of the reasons why I do it. But as far as keeping a hold of it, some guards will destroy it out of spite simply because they can, and they move the prisoners a lot, sometimes two or three times in a month. So things will get lost in the moves from one house to the other. And you're only allowed to keep two cubic feet of property, which I've long since passed my quota of amount of stuff that I'm allowed to keep. My library on how to draw things alone is larger than two cubic feet, but that's all the legitimate storage space we're technically allowed to have. So it's very difficult to keep up with art.
You know, we like to say that TDC doesn't stand for “Texas Department of Corrections.” We say that TDC stands for “they don't care.” And it's the way that they treat people. It's the way of life here. They don't care about you. You’re a paycheck to most of these and something to be vilified to the rest of them.
16:23 Krysta: No. No, no. I don't. I admire the art that a lot of the other artists have, but as far as collaboration with them, I don't because the style of art that 99.9% of the people make here, it's not the style of art that I make, which is comic art. It’s very rare to find someone that makes comic art. And as a matter of fact, I only know one other person on this entire unit, out of 1400 people that does it. And that's Harold Lee, he works with you guys as well. He does that Podlife stuff.
16:56 Casper: Yes, that's so cool. Do you know him in person?
16:59 Krysta: I've met him.
17:00 Casper: It's so cool. I love that a lot of the people that we collaborate through A.B.O. Comix have at least, at the very least, met each other. That's pretty cool.
17:08 Krysta: I would like to meet more of them. I really would.
17:11 Casper: So you did say that comic art is not so common as far as art forms go, that you've seen people create. What is the most common art form do you think?
17:21 Krysta: Realist portrait drawing. They take their artwork and they try to make it as realistic to photo realistic as possible. So a lot of people draw portraits and that is an art form that will make you a little bit more money on the inside because the person will pay you $10 to $20 a piece if you can draw a portrait of their family. That's a little more lucrative than my style of drawing, which people will only pay about a dollar a page for something like that to draw a greeting card. This is what most people draw, realistic type paintings and portraits.
17:56 Casper: That definitely makes sense, but it's kind of a tough medium to get really good at. You've mentioned before that it's really difficult to keep a hold of your art in prison. Do you think most people end up sending art to people on the outside for that reason? Are you able to sort of decorate your houses and stuff with it or does most of the art get sent to the outside?
18:16 Krysta: Oh no. You're not allowed to decorate your houses at all. I pushed the issue, the wall that the guards can't see, on the outside of the door, that's where I keep all of the stuff that I hang up. So they can't see it, but you're not allowed to do that at all. And, I wouldn't know other people's motivations for sending art to the outside. Personally, it's one of the reasons why I do it. But as far as keeping a hold of it, some guards will destroy it out of spite simply because they can, and they move the prisoners a lot, sometimes two or three times in a month. So things will get lost in the moves from one house to the other. And you're only allowed to keep two cubic feet of property, which I've long since passed my quota of amount of stuff that I'm allowed to keep. My library on how to draw things alone is larger than two cubic feet, but that's all the legitimate storage space we're technically allowed to have. So it's very difficult to keep up with art.
You know, we like to say that TDC doesn't stand for “Texas Department of Corrections.” We say that TDC stands for “they don't care.” And it's the way that they treat people. It's the way of life here. They don't care about you. You’re a paycheck to most of these and something to be vilified to the rest of them.
*BREAK*
19:38 Conductor Trig: Teleway currently delayed for maintenance.
19:44 Conductor Nic: Another workday with no pay. After your 8 hour shift cleaning toilets, another hunger pang causes your stomach to growl. Finally, an officer hands you your johnny sack. Miraculously, the crumpled bag contains only a single maggot today. Elation overtakes you as you realize that your single slice of bread has almost no mold for the first time in weeks. You swat away your daydreams of $0.30 ramen at commissary and the hopes for a full stomach.
Prisoners receive meals that are barely enough to sustain an adult, while also being upcharged for commissary items. In order to get basic needs met, our contributors rely on donations from the outside. Become a patron at patreon.com/abocomix, or head over to abocomix.com for more ways to donate. That's a b o c o m i x .com. Thank you for supporting our cause.
20:39 Conductor Trig: Please keep clear of the tracks.
19:44 Conductor Nic: Another workday with no pay. After your 8 hour shift cleaning toilets, another hunger pang causes your stomach to growl. Finally, an officer hands you your johnny sack. Miraculously, the crumpled bag contains only a single maggot today. Elation overtakes you as you realize that your single slice of bread has almost no mold for the first time in weeks. You swat away your daydreams of $0.30 ramen at commissary and the hopes for a full stomach.
Prisoners receive meals that are barely enough to sustain an adult, while also being upcharged for commissary items. In order to get basic needs met, our contributors rely on donations from the outside. Become a patron at patreon.com/abocomix, or head over to abocomix.com for more ways to donate. That's a b o c o m i x .com. Thank you for supporting our cause.
20:39 Conductor Trig: Please keep clear of the tracks.
MAGICAL REALISM
20:44 Casper: Do you feel like the magical realism genre that you use so often in your artwork lets you have a little bit of an escape from the day-to-day prison life stuff?
20:53 Krysta: Well, first off, I didn't know it was called magical realism at all. I learned something today. I learned I'm going to have to buy some new art books. I thought I made this shit up, but it allows me to have an escape and it gives me somewhere to focus myself. It definitely does that.
21:09 Casper: Yeah, that's good. It's a concept that I actually learned about in college. It wasn't a genre that I really understood either, but it seems, a lot of people use it to kind of create new realities and help their imaginations come to life and express their experiences in a way that's just kinda new and different and fun. So how does that sort of art help you inside prison?
21:33 Krysta: You know, I literally think that I can paint a new reality into existence. It really makes it possible for me to very literally create a new reality. It's tied in with the magic that I've practiced as part of my faith. That's how I do it.
20:53 Krysta: Well, first off, I didn't know it was called magical realism at all. I learned something today. I learned I'm going to have to buy some new art books. I thought I made this shit up, but it allows me to have an escape and it gives me somewhere to focus myself. It definitely does that.
21:09 Casper: Yeah, that's good. It's a concept that I actually learned about in college. It wasn't a genre that I really understood either, but it seems, a lot of people use it to kind of create new realities and help their imaginations come to life and express their experiences in a way that's just kinda new and different and fun. So how does that sort of art help you inside prison?
21:33 Krysta: You know, I literally think that I can paint a new reality into existence. It really makes it possible for me to very literally create a new reality. It's tied in with the magic that I've practiced as part of my faith. That's how I do it.
MAGIC
21:48 Casper: Do you use magic alongside your art?
21:51 Krysta: I use magic alongside, inside. My art is my magic. It's the most profound expression of it. Any person can make magic work if they can fulfill the four basic tenets of witchcraft, which is to know, to dare, to will, and to be silent. This is what's known as the witch's pyramid. If a person can fulfill all four of these aspects about a certain working of a spell, then the spell will and can work. But as far as how does it actually work? There was a book that I read by author William H Keith, and I mentioned him in my anthology. Uh, he wrote a book called The Science of the Craft. It's listed in the About the Author page on that book. So you have that information there. This guy would be the better one to tell you how it actually works. That's the best that I've ever been able to find that someone's quantified how magic works, but to take all of that and give you the short, oversimplified answer: magic is based in quantum physics and the reality that nothing actually forms into reality until we observe it. This being proven scientifically helps a lot of people understand this. So being able to change the pattern of possibilities by willing it into existence, using the process of which I spoke of before, to know, to dare, to will and to be silent, that this is how it actually happens.
23:21 Ollie: That's fascinating. I remember in our early correspondence, Krysta, you described yourself as a Chthonic Earth Witch. Can you talk a little bit more about your spiritual practice in general and how it's changed since you were incarcerated?
23:36 Krysta: We have a community here in prison that my husband and I are actually the leaders of. We run the Neo-Pagan group for this unit. That's about 30 witches that study under us. And this has given us the ability to practice leadership skills here. That's how prison has done it. As far as describing myself as a Chthonic Earth Witch, I say this in the aspect that we believe that the earth is the focus or the loci of our power. As far as what I mean by that, it's an earth based faith that I practice. Myself, I’m a Cardinal Water sign and that is of course of the earth. And we follow more of a left-hand path of magic. We aren’t the usual bright and bubbly tree-hugger type witches that some people refer to themselves as. We actually do a more darker aspect of work. Now that's not to say I practice black magic, but it's not off the table.
24:39 Ollie: Understood. I'll make sure not to get on your bad side anytime soon.
21:51 Krysta: I use magic alongside, inside. My art is my magic. It's the most profound expression of it. Any person can make magic work if they can fulfill the four basic tenets of witchcraft, which is to know, to dare, to will, and to be silent. This is what's known as the witch's pyramid. If a person can fulfill all four of these aspects about a certain working of a spell, then the spell will and can work. But as far as how does it actually work? There was a book that I read by author William H Keith, and I mentioned him in my anthology. Uh, he wrote a book called The Science of the Craft. It's listed in the About the Author page on that book. So you have that information there. This guy would be the better one to tell you how it actually works. That's the best that I've ever been able to find that someone's quantified how magic works, but to take all of that and give you the short, oversimplified answer: magic is based in quantum physics and the reality that nothing actually forms into reality until we observe it. This being proven scientifically helps a lot of people understand this. So being able to change the pattern of possibilities by willing it into existence, using the process of which I spoke of before, to know, to dare, to will and to be silent, that this is how it actually happens.
23:21 Ollie: That's fascinating. I remember in our early correspondence, Krysta, you described yourself as a Chthonic Earth Witch. Can you talk a little bit more about your spiritual practice in general and how it's changed since you were incarcerated?
23:36 Krysta: We have a community here in prison that my husband and I are actually the leaders of. We run the Neo-Pagan group for this unit. That's about 30 witches that study under us. And this has given us the ability to practice leadership skills here. That's how prison has done it. As far as describing myself as a Chthonic Earth Witch, I say this in the aspect that we believe that the earth is the focus or the loci of our power. As far as what I mean by that, it's an earth based faith that I practice. Myself, I’m a Cardinal Water sign and that is of course of the earth. And we follow more of a left-hand path of magic. We aren’t the usual bright and bubbly tree-hugger type witches that some people refer to themselves as. We actually do a more darker aspect of work. Now that's not to say I practice black magic, but it's not off the table.
24:39 Ollie: Understood. I'll make sure not to get on your bad side anytime soon.
ALTER-EGOS
24:44 Casper: So you've talked a little bit about your alter egos. Um, you've got Krysta Morningstarr, Darkstarr, and Brightstarr, how did these sort of play into your magic?
24:54 Krysta: You would ask about those bitches. They don't really necessarily form a certain part of my magic per se, but they’ve definitely comprised the being that I refer to myself as I.
25:07 Casper: Could you just tell us a little bit about your alter egos and how they form all of who you are?
25:13 Krysta: Okay, imagine if you had living inside your skull a you, another you, and a different you besides that one that are almost always arguing with one another and trying to come to a consensus of what the one vehicle, which would be my body, gets to do. I like to think that I've got this control panel, ala inside out, inside my head and it's these people fighting over the control panel most of the damn time. Brightstarr is the very Pollyanna aspect of myself. The Morningstarr aspect of myself is the logical, calculating type. And the Darkstarr aspect is the more cynical, dark, some might even say evil side of myself. That's how the three parts interrelate. So you can see that they wouldn't all get along. The Morningstarr aspect of myself, that's so logical, that one time I got called Seven of Nine. In the class I was referred to as a Borg from Star Trek. But at least it was a pretty Borg.
26:17 Casper: How did you come up with the names for all of your alter-egos, or did that just come super naturally to you?
26:23 Krysta: Okay. The Morningstarr name came first. The Morningstarr: when I decided what my chosen name was to be whenever I decided to transition. I wanted to pick something that was clever and intelligent and very much appropriate to the person that I am. That being said, and knowing that I have myself steeped in magical timing, the Morningstarr, which is the planet Venus, is the planet that is full of love and of women. So that was where I picked that part of the Morningstarr, but it's not the only significance it has. Also, in the Bible, the Christian Bible, Lucifer, the lightbringer, refers to himself as “I am the bright Morning Star.” So I can be that little Miss Lucifer, if you will. And, I took that and ran with it. The Brightstarr and the Darkstarr, they really just, they're not very terribly original names. I just took the Starr part of my name and attributed quality to it so that they would be differentiated from one another when I tried to describe it to other people.
27:31 Casper: So have your alter-egos helped you along your gender transition journey?
27:36 Krysta: Uh, they’ve definitely kept me busy. As far as having helped me, they've allowed me to see the world in many different lights.
24:54 Krysta: You would ask about those bitches. They don't really necessarily form a certain part of my magic per se, but they’ve definitely comprised the being that I refer to myself as I.
25:07 Casper: Could you just tell us a little bit about your alter egos and how they form all of who you are?
25:13 Krysta: Okay, imagine if you had living inside your skull a you, another you, and a different you besides that one that are almost always arguing with one another and trying to come to a consensus of what the one vehicle, which would be my body, gets to do. I like to think that I've got this control panel, ala inside out, inside my head and it's these people fighting over the control panel most of the damn time. Brightstarr is the very Pollyanna aspect of myself. The Morningstarr aspect of myself is the logical, calculating type. And the Darkstarr aspect is the more cynical, dark, some might even say evil side of myself. That's how the three parts interrelate. So you can see that they wouldn't all get along. The Morningstarr aspect of myself, that's so logical, that one time I got called Seven of Nine. In the class I was referred to as a Borg from Star Trek. But at least it was a pretty Borg.
26:17 Casper: How did you come up with the names for all of your alter-egos, or did that just come super naturally to you?
26:23 Krysta: Okay. The Morningstarr name came first. The Morningstarr: when I decided what my chosen name was to be whenever I decided to transition. I wanted to pick something that was clever and intelligent and very much appropriate to the person that I am. That being said, and knowing that I have myself steeped in magical timing, the Morningstarr, which is the planet Venus, is the planet that is full of love and of women. So that was where I picked that part of the Morningstarr, but it's not the only significance it has. Also, in the Bible, the Christian Bible, Lucifer, the lightbringer, refers to himself as “I am the bright Morning Star.” So I can be that little Miss Lucifer, if you will. And, I took that and ran with it. The Brightstarr and the Darkstarr, they really just, they're not very terribly original names. I just took the Starr part of my name and attributed quality to it so that they would be differentiated from one another when I tried to describe it to other people.
27:31 Casper: So have your alter-egos helped you along your gender transition journey?
27:36 Krysta: Uh, they’ve definitely kept me busy. As far as having helped me, they've allowed me to see the world in many different lights.
BEAUTY/EXPRESSION
27:43 Ollie: What kinds of things help you ground in your beauty and your self-worth? How has your art and writing helped in that process?
27:50 Krysta: To be honest with you, my husband is the thing that helps me ground in my self beauty and my self worth, the most. Personally, I have a little bit of a self-esteem issue. I think there's something broken inside my head when it comes to how I see myself, because I'll look in the mirror and I'll sometimes see what I think is disgusting. And I know it's not true because not only does my husband tell me this, but I've got straight and queer people alike staring at me all the time, especially now. And they're not doing it in a, “Oh my God, look at that bald freak type thing,” you know, they're not doing it in that fashion. They're staring at me as if I'm an object of desire. So I know it's me that's got the issue here. And as far as my art, how does that help me? I'd have to say that my art allows me to visually create what I would consider the ideal of myself on paper.
28:49 Ollie: I see. Well, thank goodness for John and thank goodness for your art as a creative outlet. I know that whenever I get to speak to you, and the few pictures I've seen of you and the many representations I've seen of you in your comics, your beauty shines through in all of them. So beyond the internal barriers that you're talking about, are there any other restrictions on what you can and can't do to express yourself authentically where you are?
29:20 Krysta: Personally, there's a lot of restrictions that this place places on me about expressing myself. I get around it though. And sometimes I just flat out ignore the restrictions that they place upon me. For instance, I wear my hair at the maximum length that I could possibly get away with and sometimes even longer and styled into as feminine a fashion as possible. I make my own makeup, which I like to call fake-up and wear that from time to time, in order to, you know, play pretty and do pretty making things, the way that I say it in my own internal head. There's a lot of restrictions here. You're given white outfits and we're very seriously discouraged from altering them. That doesn't stop me though.
30:10 Casper: Yeah, I remember at one point you actually cut up some of those prison issued garments and you got in a little bit of trouble for that. Do you remember when that happened?
30:19 Krysta: Yes. I remember when that happened and that's when I found out that the state shirts cost $6 and 52 cents a piece.
30:29 Casper: Did you have to pay that?
30:31 Krysta: No, no Casper. I didn't have to pay that. You had to pay that. You paid that.
30:35 Casper: But you didn't get to keep it, did you?
30:37 Krysta: They confiscated it then and there. I think I've learned my lesson though. I don't use state issued stuff to make my contraband clothing anymore. I've actually got a very pretty and nice summer dress that I've made out of Under Armour shirts. So like a white Under Armour shirt, I've taken several of them and created a pleated summer dress with a short sleeve top and about a knee length skirt on. It's real pretty. And when I'm feeling the need to affirm my own gender to myself, which is thankfully a lot less now than it used to be, I'll dress up and do pretty making things, using that. And several of the other garments that I've got. The craziest thing though that I’ve ever gotten in trouble for making was a pair of panties that were made out of a commissary mesh bag that I dyed pink.
31:29 Casper: That's so cute that you're able to express yourself in those ways, even if it is technically contraband. And pretty recently you made a pair of shoes for your husband, too right?
31:38 Krysta: I didn't just make them for my husband. I made him for myself as well. I made us a matching pair of Doc Martens. We call them Cox stocks and they have these kinda humble, homely looking brown, suede, leather boots that they sell in the commissary. And what I did was I took the boots, took the laces out of them and saturated the leather with Vaseline in order to darken and treat and preserve the leather. So I've taken this ugly looking suede and turned it into a very nice dark dark dark Chestnut brown. And then I took the white stitching that holds the sole onto the boot and I painted that with a permanent yellow paint to where it matches the way that a pair of Doc Martens yellow stitching looks like. And so now, since he's been crying about how he just can't wait to get out in the world and get his Doc Martens and wear them again, and he got his set off, I felt like I cheered him up by making him his very own pair of Doc Martens, and then making me some too, so that we could be twinning.
32:41 Casper: That shows a lot of love between you two. Could you tell us a little bit about what it is finding love on the inside and some of the friendships that you have inside prison as well?
32:52 Krysta: Oh, my God love has been a very, until just recently terrifying experience to find on the inside, because the moment that the prison finds out about it, it's generally over with and they ship you to another unit. You do remember what happened with Chris? My ex, how when they caught us fooling around, they sent me here just out of spite. And that usually happens to people. Here however, we kept ourselves off the radar long enough to where we were established on the unit and then made ourselves indispensable to certain key people that were in the charge of housing people. Let's just put it that way. That's allowed an entire shift in my reality. It's allowed me to go from living in prison, to living in a very shitty apartment complex.
33:45 Casper: Yeah. I remember that story. And it's actually featured in one of your anthology comics as well. That was an extremely rough time in your life. And I remember being on the phone with you a little bit and it just how badly that that whole experience was and when TDCJ or the prison system in general rips you apart from your loved ones on the inside, or even when they ship people away from their family members and make it harder to visit, it's just horrible what the system does to people. Have your relationships on the inside, friendships or love life or anything like that, has that been affected due to the pandemic at all?
34:21 Krysta: I'm probably one of the few people on the face of the planet that would actually consider the pandemic to have done a positive thing for my relationship, because of the fact that we here in prison have been forcibly quarantined after the pandemic started and I managed to get moved in with my husband before this really started, a few weeks and then months of forced time spending 24 hours a day in quarantine with him. That would make or break anybody, but thankfully it made us. A couple of bloody fights later, but yeah, it made us. Why is everybody making noise? Go away John. You see, every time that man gets into my scope of influence and my scope of reality, I get so flustered because something about his magnetism just short circuits my brain.
27:50 Krysta: To be honest with you, my husband is the thing that helps me ground in my self beauty and my self worth, the most. Personally, I have a little bit of a self-esteem issue. I think there's something broken inside my head when it comes to how I see myself, because I'll look in the mirror and I'll sometimes see what I think is disgusting. And I know it's not true because not only does my husband tell me this, but I've got straight and queer people alike staring at me all the time, especially now. And they're not doing it in a, “Oh my God, look at that bald freak type thing,” you know, they're not doing it in that fashion. They're staring at me as if I'm an object of desire. So I know it's me that's got the issue here. And as far as my art, how does that help me? I'd have to say that my art allows me to visually create what I would consider the ideal of myself on paper.
28:49 Ollie: I see. Well, thank goodness for John and thank goodness for your art as a creative outlet. I know that whenever I get to speak to you, and the few pictures I've seen of you and the many representations I've seen of you in your comics, your beauty shines through in all of them. So beyond the internal barriers that you're talking about, are there any other restrictions on what you can and can't do to express yourself authentically where you are?
29:20 Krysta: Personally, there's a lot of restrictions that this place places on me about expressing myself. I get around it though. And sometimes I just flat out ignore the restrictions that they place upon me. For instance, I wear my hair at the maximum length that I could possibly get away with and sometimes even longer and styled into as feminine a fashion as possible. I make my own makeup, which I like to call fake-up and wear that from time to time, in order to, you know, play pretty and do pretty making things, the way that I say it in my own internal head. There's a lot of restrictions here. You're given white outfits and we're very seriously discouraged from altering them. That doesn't stop me though.
30:10 Casper: Yeah, I remember at one point you actually cut up some of those prison issued garments and you got in a little bit of trouble for that. Do you remember when that happened?
30:19 Krysta: Yes. I remember when that happened and that's when I found out that the state shirts cost $6 and 52 cents a piece.
30:29 Casper: Did you have to pay that?
30:31 Krysta: No, no Casper. I didn't have to pay that. You had to pay that. You paid that.
30:35 Casper: But you didn't get to keep it, did you?
30:37 Krysta: They confiscated it then and there. I think I've learned my lesson though. I don't use state issued stuff to make my contraband clothing anymore. I've actually got a very pretty and nice summer dress that I've made out of Under Armour shirts. So like a white Under Armour shirt, I've taken several of them and created a pleated summer dress with a short sleeve top and about a knee length skirt on. It's real pretty. And when I'm feeling the need to affirm my own gender to myself, which is thankfully a lot less now than it used to be, I'll dress up and do pretty making things, using that. And several of the other garments that I've got. The craziest thing though that I’ve ever gotten in trouble for making was a pair of panties that were made out of a commissary mesh bag that I dyed pink.
31:29 Casper: That's so cute that you're able to express yourself in those ways, even if it is technically contraband. And pretty recently you made a pair of shoes for your husband, too right?
31:38 Krysta: I didn't just make them for my husband. I made him for myself as well. I made us a matching pair of Doc Martens. We call them Cox stocks and they have these kinda humble, homely looking brown, suede, leather boots that they sell in the commissary. And what I did was I took the boots, took the laces out of them and saturated the leather with Vaseline in order to darken and treat and preserve the leather. So I've taken this ugly looking suede and turned it into a very nice dark dark dark Chestnut brown. And then I took the white stitching that holds the sole onto the boot and I painted that with a permanent yellow paint to where it matches the way that a pair of Doc Martens yellow stitching looks like. And so now, since he's been crying about how he just can't wait to get out in the world and get his Doc Martens and wear them again, and he got his set off, I felt like I cheered him up by making him his very own pair of Doc Martens, and then making me some too, so that we could be twinning.
32:41 Casper: That shows a lot of love between you two. Could you tell us a little bit about what it is finding love on the inside and some of the friendships that you have inside prison as well?
32:52 Krysta: Oh, my God love has been a very, until just recently terrifying experience to find on the inside, because the moment that the prison finds out about it, it's generally over with and they ship you to another unit. You do remember what happened with Chris? My ex, how when they caught us fooling around, they sent me here just out of spite. And that usually happens to people. Here however, we kept ourselves off the radar long enough to where we were established on the unit and then made ourselves indispensable to certain key people that were in the charge of housing people. Let's just put it that way. That's allowed an entire shift in my reality. It's allowed me to go from living in prison, to living in a very shitty apartment complex.
33:45 Casper: Yeah. I remember that story. And it's actually featured in one of your anthology comics as well. That was an extremely rough time in your life. And I remember being on the phone with you a little bit and it just how badly that that whole experience was and when TDCJ or the prison system in general rips you apart from your loved ones on the inside, or even when they ship people away from their family members and make it harder to visit, it's just horrible what the system does to people. Have your relationships on the inside, friendships or love life or anything like that, has that been affected due to the pandemic at all?
34:21 Krysta: I'm probably one of the few people on the face of the planet that would actually consider the pandemic to have done a positive thing for my relationship, because of the fact that we here in prison have been forcibly quarantined after the pandemic started and I managed to get moved in with my husband before this really started, a few weeks and then months of forced time spending 24 hours a day in quarantine with him. That would make or break anybody, but thankfully it made us. A couple of bloody fights later, but yeah, it made us. Why is everybody making noise? Go away John. You see, every time that man gets into my scope of influence and my scope of reality, I get so flustered because something about his magnetism just short circuits my brain.
HUSBAND
35:14 Ollie: So I wanted to ask you a question about your husband, who you just so lovingly shooed away moments ago. Could you tell me a little bit about how you met your husband and give me a little bit of your love story?
35:28 Krysta: Well, I met him about three days after I got to this unit. That would be in June of 2018. I was locked outside of one of the buildings in the cage, stuck there because whenever the prison counts its prisoners, they stop all the movement and keep everybody right where they're at and they count them. Well, I got stuck there in this cage with him, where I was at, and I noticed some witchcraft related tattoos that were on his arm. And I asked him about the nature of his tattoos to see if he understood the significance of the ink that he had in his skin. He did. Little did I know that he'd been stalking me from the moment that I got off the bus. He'd been watching me, “Who is that girl,” all of that for days before I ever knew about him. And that's how it started. As far as about our love story, the best I can put it, the rapper Eminem, he had a song and he said something along the lines of how when a tornado meets a volcano, that's about the size of it. But long story short, he's a very sweet man. And I love him to pieces. It's frustrating sometimes, but what relationship isn’t, right?
36:40 Ollie: Right. And it's very clear from how you talk about him, how much you love him. I have heard from you before that you are collaborating with him on some art pieces. Could you talk a little bit about the process of collaborating with your husband?
36:53 Krysta: Uh that's uh, that's a process, and that's a Process with the capital P. He is very mated to his idea of the story. And so, as far as this collaboration, this new work that I'm giving you guys, The Witch's Brew. This is his storyline. This is my illustration. Of course we discuss certain things and aspects, but as far as it goes, he wants the creative process of the story to be his and all things said and done, I'm very happy to be the one that can make that come to life for him. So it comes with having to deal with any sensitive artists. You have to deal with their feelings and understand that we all have them.
35:28 Krysta: Well, I met him about three days after I got to this unit. That would be in June of 2018. I was locked outside of one of the buildings in the cage, stuck there because whenever the prison counts its prisoners, they stop all the movement and keep everybody right where they're at and they count them. Well, I got stuck there in this cage with him, where I was at, and I noticed some witchcraft related tattoos that were on his arm. And I asked him about the nature of his tattoos to see if he understood the significance of the ink that he had in his skin. He did. Little did I know that he'd been stalking me from the moment that I got off the bus. He'd been watching me, “Who is that girl,” all of that for days before I ever knew about him. And that's how it started. As far as about our love story, the best I can put it, the rapper Eminem, he had a song and he said something along the lines of how when a tornado meets a volcano, that's about the size of it. But long story short, he's a very sweet man. And I love him to pieces. It's frustrating sometimes, but what relationship isn’t, right?
36:40 Ollie: Right. And it's very clear from how you talk about him, how much you love him. I have heard from you before that you are collaborating with him on some art pieces. Could you talk a little bit about the process of collaborating with your husband?
36:53 Krysta: Uh that's uh, that's a process, and that's a Process with the capital P. He is very mated to his idea of the story. And so, as far as this collaboration, this new work that I'm giving you guys, The Witch's Brew. This is his storyline. This is my illustration. Of course we discuss certain things and aspects, but as far as it goes, he wants the creative process of the story to be his and all things said and done, I'm very happy to be the one that can make that come to life for him. So it comes with having to deal with any sensitive artists. You have to deal with their feelings and understand that we all have them.
AKASHIC RECORDS, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES, DREAMS
37:35 Casper: So you had some really interesting stories while you've been in prison, though. One that you wrote about in a pretty recent comic in our fourth anthology was about you army crawling through your prison unit after being taken to a medical unit and actually dying. Could you tell us that story?
37:55 Krysta: The story that you're referring to has been pieced together by other people's reports, okay? From the time that I had the seizure, to the time that I came back to myself four days later, I think I have a maximum of maybe 45 seconds of memory written in my head. During those four day period, I was suffering from total amnesia. I was going through a very tough time after my set off. They gave me three extra years when I had a chance for parole, which I felt that I should be leaving prison. I didn't handle it too well. And I began abusing prescription psych meds, specifically Zoloft. You can get high on them, although I would not recommend it because it is the type of high that could give you seizures and kill you, which is what it ultimately did.
I was sitting at the table with my husband that morning and the morning was the 26th of April of last year. And I began to feel very disconnected inside my head. Next thing I know, and this is where the other people's reports come in, my husband says that I stood up, started speaking gibberish, like [gibberish] stuff like that. And then he went to grab me and I jerked out of his hand and I hit the stone concrete floor head first.
And ended up splitting my head open. Now someone that was about 50 feet away said they felt the impact of my skull on the concrete, through the floor that I hit that hard. I ended up surrounded by a six foot wide pool of blood and I had stopped breathing and my heart had stopped. My husband gave me CPR twice. When they responded to the emergency, the Sergeant that was on call tried to tell my husband to get back. And he was still giving me CPR. My husband told the Sergeant, he said, “Don't make me hurt you. I got this. I know what I'm doing.” The Sergeant said, “Okay, all the rest of you get back against the wall” and let him save my life.
I was told that this happened twice, that I stopped breathing, and that I started turning blue. Two different times he had to administer CPR. Next thing I remember was one of the very few seconds of memory that I have. I woke up on a stretcher. And we had a C collar around my neck, which is another thing my husband insisted that the medical people treat me properly instead of just loading me up on a stretcher. He knew that I had a severe head injury. I remember trying to refuse to go to the hospital, scribbling all over a refusal sheet.
And, next thing I know, I'm back at the unit, but the stuff that had happened in the interim while I was at the hospital, I had slipped out of my handcuffs. I attempted to bite the doctor's ear off when he went to put an IV in me. They had to send for extra backup from the unit whenever they couldn't get me to calm down. I was told that I kept seeing people standing over in the corner, dark shadowy figures, and that I was frightened of them. Finally they decided that they weren't going to treat me and sent me back to either live or die, as I would, because I wouldn't let them treat me. I was like an animal. I got back and another one of my memories, I remember being told to sit down in front of a cage and I was being put somewhere, and this was in front of medical. I slipped out from the cage in medical, made it clear across the unit in a blood-soaked uniform. Now, I don't know if I was low crawling or not but it’s the only thing I can conceive of that, I got past that searcher's desk, which is in the comic because there's always a guard there. I had to have done this because one, I was in a bloody uniform. Second, I was not wearing a COVID mask. And you still to this day have to wear a COVID mask to walk around the unit.
I remember getting back to the wing where my husband was, getting them to open my door and I started trying to change my clothes. All my stuff was being packed up because they thought I was going to be in the hospital. And, I was told that I tried to unpack all of my stuff and put it up. I got back here. I tried to unpack my stuff and now I don't remember anything else past this point until four days later, except for some very strange things that may have occurred while I was not even alive.
I remember when I wasn't there, one of the things that I told John when I made it back to the wing, he says that I told him, “I remember where I was.” And he says, “No shit, you were at the hospital.” I was like, “No, I remember where I was when I died.” He says that I told him that, this following story and this, I do remember clearly. I was on what appeared to be a space station. I was face to face with my goddess. And I was told that I have a purpose in life, and that she keeps bringing me back to fulfill it, that I keep fucking that up and killing myself. She told me my purpose was to get my ass back here and teach this man that I'm with how to love and that if I couldn't do it, she showed me what basically looked like a soul being put through a meat grinder.
I came to the understanding that I could be erased from the fabric of existence. If I couldn't fulfill my purpose, that I would be basically deleted from the universe. That's worse than dying and moving on, dying and coming back in a different life, your soul to be made as if it never existed. It's unthinkable. I was told that if I couldn't fulfill my duty in this life, that this was my last chance. So I came back with that knowledge and it's given me a hell of a lot of impetus to continue trying to teach a psychopath how to love. And I've done it. This has happened.
But the rest of the story pretty much unfolds the way that I had it written in the comic. I was placed in a cell by myself to quarantine because I'd been to the free world hospital. I was acting as an animal for four days. I would try to run out of my cell. I was throwing food at the walls. When I came to, I came to the way I was when I was laying on the steel bunk with no mattress. And there were crumbs of food and crumbs of bread and little crumbles of hamburger meat all over the place. I only started coming back to myself because John sent me a series of four letters to me through the kitchen workers, which I still have all four of them. I intend on mailing them to you. It's four of the most touching things that have ever been written to me in my life.
In these letters is where he told me that I needed to put the crazies back in the box, or they were going to ship me to a mental hospital and never let me go. I somehow deep within found, through the love for him, the ability to put the crazies back in the box and come back to myself along with a whole hell of a lot more artistic talent than I'd ever had before. You yourself have seen the massive increase in talent that I had before the accident and afterwards. And by the way, John doesn't like me referring to it as an accident because ultimately the overuse of drugs was determined to be a suicide attempt. And I damn near got my way. So how is that an accident? We'll just call it the incident. After I came back from the incident, I was a lot more able to not just do what I needed to do for him, but follow my own choice of a career as an artist.
46:14 Casper: I love that you turned it into a comic. Despite the horrificness of it, despite the fact that we all went through a horrible scare and losing you and when I first heard the news, it was horrible. I didn't know how to process it. And despite all of this, you came back stronger and you came back and delved into your artistic practice. You came back with an artistic ability that is just nothing short of a miracle, really. It's just such a, such a crazy, crazy story. So thank you so much for sharing it with us.
46:46 Krysta: The fact that you could look at what was printed in Confined Before COVID of mine, the very last comic that was never truly finished. That was what I was writing when I died in the middle of it. I wrote that, the one that's in your fourth anthology, immediately after. As a matter of fact, while I was in the quarantine cell and I'd convinced some people to give me some colored pencils and a piece of paper. I drew that picture that everybody seems to like of the Harley Quinn me holding the dynamite. That was the very first thing that I drew that told me "Hey, my artistic skills went somewhere crazy high." It made the hair on my arms stand on end when I first stepped back from the picture and looked at it and I was like, “Wow, look at that.” Then I worked the whole comic around that, ’cause that's the first thing I drew after I came back to life. I was in the middle of that incident. I came back to myself about four days after I went to the hospital and got stuck in that quarantine cell.
I also took about another two days to convince somebody to give me a pencil and paper and some colors because I was bored shitless now that I could consciously think again. So I had nothing to do in this completely empty cell with no property. It would be about six days, less than a week, after I died that I’d come back and start drawing like that. That dynamite holding girl picture, that’s like I said, the very first thing that I drew after I came back and it was less than a week.
48:22 Casper: Yeah. That's incredible. Your art style just transformed completely overnight. And to have that experience that you had, that otherworldly spiritual experience, did that change the way you think about the world or change the way you think about yourself?
48:39 Krysta: It, it confirmed some things. The fact that I was given this artistic ability is pretty much the one piece of proof that even though you can't say that it's proof or not, but it's the proof to me that the whole experience was real because I'd left not having that talent, not having that gift and when I came back, it was there. I knew it to the core of my being that I was being set up to have the life that I was looking for. All of the obstacles would be out of my way to support myself and my family.
37:55 Krysta: The story that you're referring to has been pieced together by other people's reports, okay? From the time that I had the seizure, to the time that I came back to myself four days later, I think I have a maximum of maybe 45 seconds of memory written in my head. During those four day period, I was suffering from total amnesia. I was going through a very tough time after my set off. They gave me three extra years when I had a chance for parole, which I felt that I should be leaving prison. I didn't handle it too well. And I began abusing prescription psych meds, specifically Zoloft. You can get high on them, although I would not recommend it because it is the type of high that could give you seizures and kill you, which is what it ultimately did.
I was sitting at the table with my husband that morning and the morning was the 26th of April of last year. And I began to feel very disconnected inside my head. Next thing I know, and this is where the other people's reports come in, my husband says that I stood up, started speaking gibberish, like [gibberish] stuff like that. And then he went to grab me and I jerked out of his hand and I hit the stone concrete floor head first.
And ended up splitting my head open. Now someone that was about 50 feet away said they felt the impact of my skull on the concrete, through the floor that I hit that hard. I ended up surrounded by a six foot wide pool of blood and I had stopped breathing and my heart had stopped. My husband gave me CPR twice. When they responded to the emergency, the Sergeant that was on call tried to tell my husband to get back. And he was still giving me CPR. My husband told the Sergeant, he said, “Don't make me hurt you. I got this. I know what I'm doing.” The Sergeant said, “Okay, all the rest of you get back against the wall” and let him save my life.
I was told that this happened twice, that I stopped breathing, and that I started turning blue. Two different times he had to administer CPR. Next thing I remember was one of the very few seconds of memory that I have. I woke up on a stretcher. And we had a C collar around my neck, which is another thing my husband insisted that the medical people treat me properly instead of just loading me up on a stretcher. He knew that I had a severe head injury. I remember trying to refuse to go to the hospital, scribbling all over a refusal sheet.
And, next thing I know, I'm back at the unit, but the stuff that had happened in the interim while I was at the hospital, I had slipped out of my handcuffs. I attempted to bite the doctor's ear off when he went to put an IV in me. They had to send for extra backup from the unit whenever they couldn't get me to calm down. I was told that I kept seeing people standing over in the corner, dark shadowy figures, and that I was frightened of them. Finally they decided that they weren't going to treat me and sent me back to either live or die, as I would, because I wouldn't let them treat me. I was like an animal. I got back and another one of my memories, I remember being told to sit down in front of a cage and I was being put somewhere, and this was in front of medical. I slipped out from the cage in medical, made it clear across the unit in a blood-soaked uniform. Now, I don't know if I was low crawling or not but it’s the only thing I can conceive of that, I got past that searcher's desk, which is in the comic because there's always a guard there. I had to have done this because one, I was in a bloody uniform. Second, I was not wearing a COVID mask. And you still to this day have to wear a COVID mask to walk around the unit.
I remember getting back to the wing where my husband was, getting them to open my door and I started trying to change my clothes. All my stuff was being packed up because they thought I was going to be in the hospital. And, I was told that I tried to unpack all of my stuff and put it up. I got back here. I tried to unpack my stuff and now I don't remember anything else past this point until four days later, except for some very strange things that may have occurred while I was not even alive.
I remember when I wasn't there, one of the things that I told John when I made it back to the wing, he says that I told him, “I remember where I was.” And he says, “No shit, you were at the hospital.” I was like, “No, I remember where I was when I died.” He says that I told him that, this following story and this, I do remember clearly. I was on what appeared to be a space station. I was face to face with my goddess. And I was told that I have a purpose in life, and that she keeps bringing me back to fulfill it, that I keep fucking that up and killing myself. She told me my purpose was to get my ass back here and teach this man that I'm with how to love and that if I couldn't do it, she showed me what basically looked like a soul being put through a meat grinder.
I came to the understanding that I could be erased from the fabric of existence. If I couldn't fulfill my purpose, that I would be basically deleted from the universe. That's worse than dying and moving on, dying and coming back in a different life, your soul to be made as if it never existed. It's unthinkable. I was told that if I couldn't fulfill my duty in this life, that this was my last chance. So I came back with that knowledge and it's given me a hell of a lot of impetus to continue trying to teach a psychopath how to love. And I've done it. This has happened.
But the rest of the story pretty much unfolds the way that I had it written in the comic. I was placed in a cell by myself to quarantine because I'd been to the free world hospital. I was acting as an animal for four days. I would try to run out of my cell. I was throwing food at the walls. When I came to, I came to the way I was when I was laying on the steel bunk with no mattress. And there were crumbs of food and crumbs of bread and little crumbles of hamburger meat all over the place. I only started coming back to myself because John sent me a series of four letters to me through the kitchen workers, which I still have all four of them. I intend on mailing them to you. It's four of the most touching things that have ever been written to me in my life.
In these letters is where he told me that I needed to put the crazies back in the box, or they were going to ship me to a mental hospital and never let me go. I somehow deep within found, through the love for him, the ability to put the crazies back in the box and come back to myself along with a whole hell of a lot more artistic talent than I'd ever had before. You yourself have seen the massive increase in talent that I had before the accident and afterwards. And by the way, John doesn't like me referring to it as an accident because ultimately the overuse of drugs was determined to be a suicide attempt. And I damn near got my way. So how is that an accident? We'll just call it the incident. After I came back from the incident, I was a lot more able to not just do what I needed to do for him, but follow my own choice of a career as an artist.
46:14 Casper: I love that you turned it into a comic. Despite the horrificness of it, despite the fact that we all went through a horrible scare and losing you and when I first heard the news, it was horrible. I didn't know how to process it. And despite all of this, you came back stronger and you came back and delved into your artistic practice. You came back with an artistic ability that is just nothing short of a miracle, really. It's just such a, such a crazy, crazy story. So thank you so much for sharing it with us.
46:46 Krysta: The fact that you could look at what was printed in Confined Before COVID of mine, the very last comic that was never truly finished. That was what I was writing when I died in the middle of it. I wrote that, the one that's in your fourth anthology, immediately after. As a matter of fact, while I was in the quarantine cell and I'd convinced some people to give me some colored pencils and a piece of paper. I drew that picture that everybody seems to like of the Harley Quinn me holding the dynamite. That was the very first thing that I drew that told me "Hey, my artistic skills went somewhere crazy high." It made the hair on my arms stand on end when I first stepped back from the picture and looked at it and I was like, “Wow, look at that.” Then I worked the whole comic around that, ’cause that's the first thing I drew after I came back to life. I was in the middle of that incident. I came back to myself about four days after I went to the hospital and got stuck in that quarantine cell.
I also took about another two days to convince somebody to give me a pencil and paper and some colors because I was bored shitless now that I could consciously think again. So I had nothing to do in this completely empty cell with no property. It would be about six days, less than a week, after I died that I’d come back and start drawing like that. That dynamite holding girl picture, that’s like I said, the very first thing that I drew after I came back and it was less than a week.
48:22 Casper: Yeah. That's incredible. Your art style just transformed completely overnight. And to have that experience that you had, that otherworldly spiritual experience, did that change the way you think about the world or change the way you think about yourself?
48:39 Krysta: It, it confirmed some things. The fact that I was given this artistic ability is pretty much the one piece of proof that even though you can't say that it's proof or not, but it's the proof to me that the whole experience was real because I'd left not having that talent, not having that gift and when I came back, it was there. I knew it to the core of my being that I was being set up to have the life that I was looking for. All of the obstacles would be out of my way to support myself and my family.
*BREAK*
49:19 Conductor Trig: Teleway now arriving.
49:25 Krysta: In a world separated from our own, there is an artist known as Krysta Morningstarr*. Krysta’s art allows her to create magic spells on a sheet of paper. Her incantations flutter off the page and leave you feeling…weightless. Her newest book, The Anthology of an Artist, takes you through her life as a magical girl. Join her and her alter-egos on a colorful journey through love, loss and what it’s like being a trans artist on the inside. You can also find her work in Volumes 1-5 of A Queer Prisoner’s Anthology. To purchase her book, as well as the anthologies, head to abocomix.com. a-b-o-c-o-m-i-x.com
50:19 Conductor Trig: Teleway now departing.
49:25 Krysta: In a world separated from our own, there is an artist known as Krysta Morningstarr*. Krysta’s art allows her to create magic spells on a sheet of paper. Her incantations flutter off the page and leave you feeling…weightless. Her newest book, The Anthology of an Artist, takes you through her life as a magical girl. Join her and her alter-egos on a colorful journey through love, loss and what it’s like being a trans artist on the inside. You can also find her work in Volumes 1-5 of A Queer Prisoner’s Anthology. To purchase her book, as well as the anthologies, head to abocomix.com. a-b-o-c-o-m-i-x.com
50:19 Conductor Trig: Teleway now departing.
AKASHIC RECORDS, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE CONT.
50:23 Krysta: How do I come up with the shit that I come up with? I access this part of me that is in touch with the realm of where all of the comics that never were exist. Some people like to call that the Akashic Records. I have been researching what I have in my spell books about this. I have a book that's written by Christopher Penczak called The Inner Temple of Witchcraft. I would like to share with you what he wrote about the Akashic Records. He shares this in a much more collected manner than I could ever try to explain it.
Basically, he says that:
There is the belief in a collective information bank to which we all have access. In fact we, and all existence are collectively the information bank itself. Jung called it the collective consciousness. Before him, mystics called it the Akashic Records. Isaac Bonowitz called it the switchboard. All are slightly different ways of describing the same thing. If we're all one, we each have access to every past life in existence. If such a life has meaning for our current situation, we can access that information. The Akashic Records account for this, because all information, past, present and all possible futures are contained within it. That's pretty much what he has to say about that.
51:46 Casper: That's a pretty cool explanation. Um, how do you feel that ties in with your near-death experience?
51:52 Krysta: Let's just say that I was put back onto that cosmic level, that soul level, where I was able to reach, touch, and experience and be one with everything, then coming back with this added talent that's useful in my life makes perfect sense because I came back with the knowledge that was already there. It's not the first time I've ever studied or heard of the Akashic Records, however. The actual term Akashic Records, I believe comes from Jewish Kabbalah teachings and the Akashic Records storage sphere, I guess you would call it, is located very close to the utmost pinnacle of consciousness, to the realm of God, is how they would put it. It's a bottling of that teaching. If there's anything that I could ever say that was done right in mysticism, I'd have to say it was the Kabbalah. There's some very interesting stuff to be learned through astral projection. I have attempted to access this Akashic Records storehouse, this cosmic library before. So coming back with this knowledge, it doesn't surprise me. Like I said, more of a confirmation of beliefs that I've been studying for a while.
53:14 Casper: You have a perspective that so few people in the world I think ever really get to experience. And something like this, as scary and horrible as it was, you know, to get a glimpse into the other side, whether that be your own brain activity or whether that be a spiritual realm or a dream realm, or, whatever it is out there, it's so cool that you have that perspective.
53:38 Krysta: It's not the first time that I've had a near-death experience that foretold the future. There's only been two that I've experienced and can remember anything from: this one that I just described. And then the very first time that I've ever lost all of the signs of life, such as breathing, heart beating, all of that. The first time it happened, I was 14 years old. I was coming out of a very abusive relationship. I was 14 and this woman, her name was Cynthia, I'm not going to use any last names. She was 33. So it was a very, to begin with, abusive dynamic because of the age differential.
I got very twisted up in her and she wanted to try to make me abuse my parents just to watch me do it, like winding up a tinker toy and setting them loose to go do whatever. Finally, I ended up running away from home. My parents ended up putting me into a mental hospital. Here, I tried to hang myself. During that experience, I found myself walking down the proverbial tunnel with the light at the end of it. The floor was smoothed as if it was poured concrete. The sides of the tunnel was ridged, like a real wavy, like if you're walking along the inside of a slinky, and the walls were solid stone.
I'm walking down this tunnel and I'm looking to the left and the right ’cause the light at the end of it is so remarkably bright. I can't look at it directly. I start to realize that there's imagery on either side of the tunnel and on the right hand side was the things that I'd made choices of in life and I did the right thing. And then these things that would show up on the left-hand side were things that I made choices on, and I was wrong in the choice that I made. I realized that the longer that the image would persist as I passed by it, like the length along the tunnel of the image was, the more serious the right and wrong was that I had done.
Well, I had gotten to the point where I had decided to take my own life. Of course it was on the left-hand side, the wrong side. It was a very big, bad decision. I got to the end of that and realized that there was more tunnel to be seen further on before it got to the light. And I’m like, “Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be dead here.” I remembered this conscious thought, just like that. “I'm supposed to be dead here.” Why is there more tunnel? So now my curiosity got the better of me and I continued walking further down the tunnel. I saw pictures of myself, dressed all in white standing before a group of other people dressed all in white and I was teaching them. Strangely, this was on the right hand side. I turned around and I said, “ Oh no, I've got a purpose. I gotta get outta here.” I turned around to try to leave the tunnels, going back the way I came. I realized that the floor was crumbling out from underneath me.
It was opening up into a vast dark pit and I could smell all sorts of stenches and I could hear all sorts of horrible noises. I said, “Oh no, I can't fall in that.” But I knew that the only way to go back was to get back to the beginning of the tunnel. So I just jumped out, reached out my hands and I just believed that I would make it. I grabbed a hold of something in the darkness. Next thing I know I came to and I was pulling the noose from around my neck that I tried to hang myself with. Now let's fast forward about some good 30 years past that, almost 30 years. Here I am in TDC where we all dress in white and I'm one of the religious leaders for this community, myself and my husband. We teach the witchcraft class here. So even though I didn't know what it was then, I certainly take it now as a prophetic vision.
Basically, he says that:
There is the belief in a collective information bank to which we all have access. In fact we, and all existence are collectively the information bank itself. Jung called it the collective consciousness. Before him, mystics called it the Akashic Records. Isaac Bonowitz called it the switchboard. All are slightly different ways of describing the same thing. If we're all one, we each have access to every past life in existence. If such a life has meaning for our current situation, we can access that information. The Akashic Records account for this, because all information, past, present and all possible futures are contained within it. That's pretty much what he has to say about that.
51:46 Casper: That's a pretty cool explanation. Um, how do you feel that ties in with your near-death experience?
51:52 Krysta: Let's just say that I was put back onto that cosmic level, that soul level, where I was able to reach, touch, and experience and be one with everything, then coming back with this added talent that's useful in my life makes perfect sense because I came back with the knowledge that was already there. It's not the first time I've ever studied or heard of the Akashic Records, however. The actual term Akashic Records, I believe comes from Jewish Kabbalah teachings and the Akashic Records storage sphere, I guess you would call it, is located very close to the utmost pinnacle of consciousness, to the realm of God, is how they would put it. It's a bottling of that teaching. If there's anything that I could ever say that was done right in mysticism, I'd have to say it was the Kabbalah. There's some very interesting stuff to be learned through astral projection. I have attempted to access this Akashic Records storehouse, this cosmic library before. So coming back with this knowledge, it doesn't surprise me. Like I said, more of a confirmation of beliefs that I've been studying for a while.
53:14 Casper: You have a perspective that so few people in the world I think ever really get to experience. And something like this, as scary and horrible as it was, you know, to get a glimpse into the other side, whether that be your own brain activity or whether that be a spiritual realm or a dream realm, or, whatever it is out there, it's so cool that you have that perspective.
53:38 Krysta: It's not the first time that I've had a near-death experience that foretold the future. There's only been two that I've experienced and can remember anything from: this one that I just described. And then the very first time that I've ever lost all of the signs of life, such as breathing, heart beating, all of that. The first time it happened, I was 14 years old. I was coming out of a very abusive relationship. I was 14 and this woman, her name was Cynthia, I'm not going to use any last names. She was 33. So it was a very, to begin with, abusive dynamic because of the age differential.
I got very twisted up in her and she wanted to try to make me abuse my parents just to watch me do it, like winding up a tinker toy and setting them loose to go do whatever. Finally, I ended up running away from home. My parents ended up putting me into a mental hospital. Here, I tried to hang myself. During that experience, I found myself walking down the proverbial tunnel with the light at the end of it. The floor was smoothed as if it was poured concrete. The sides of the tunnel was ridged, like a real wavy, like if you're walking along the inside of a slinky, and the walls were solid stone.
I'm walking down this tunnel and I'm looking to the left and the right ’cause the light at the end of it is so remarkably bright. I can't look at it directly. I start to realize that there's imagery on either side of the tunnel and on the right hand side was the things that I'd made choices of in life and I did the right thing. And then these things that would show up on the left-hand side were things that I made choices on, and I was wrong in the choice that I made. I realized that the longer that the image would persist as I passed by it, like the length along the tunnel of the image was, the more serious the right and wrong was that I had done.
Well, I had gotten to the point where I had decided to take my own life. Of course it was on the left-hand side, the wrong side. It was a very big, bad decision. I got to the end of that and realized that there was more tunnel to be seen further on before it got to the light. And I’m like, “Wait a minute, I'm supposed to be dead here.” I remembered this conscious thought, just like that. “I'm supposed to be dead here.” Why is there more tunnel? So now my curiosity got the better of me and I continued walking further down the tunnel. I saw pictures of myself, dressed all in white standing before a group of other people dressed all in white and I was teaching them. Strangely, this was on the right hand side. I turned around and I said, “ Oh no, I've got a purpose. I gotta get outta here.” I turned around to try to leave the tunnels, going back the way I came. I realized that the floor was crumbling out from underneath me.
It was opening up into a vast dark pit and I could smell all sorts of stenches and I could hear all sorts of horrible noises. I said, “Oh no, I can't fall in that.” But I knew that the only way to go back was to get back to the beginning of the tunnel. So I just jumped out, reached out my hands and I just believed that I would make it. I grabbed a hold of something in the darkness. Next thing I know I came to and I was pulling the noose from around my neck that I tried to hang myself with. Now let's fast forward about some good 30 years past that, almost 30 years. Here I am in TDC where we all dress in white and I'm one of the religious leaders for this community, myself and my husband. We teach the witchcraft class here. So even though I didn't know what it was then, I certainly take it now as a prophetic vision.
DREAMS
57:45 Casper: That's such an incredible story. Delving into a little bit of spiritualism myself these days, it's so incredible to hear stories like this, to give me a little bit of hope back into something other than the world that we see and experience every single day. Do you ever dream about things like this, or do you remember any of your dreams?
58:05 Krysta: Yes, I remember a lot more of my dreams than most people do, and I am not completely alien to prophetic visions in my dreams. My only problem is this filtering out the subconscious clutter from the actual gold nuggets of a prophecy that happened to come along with it. It's just some very interesting things, but my dreams, you should ask my husband, my dreams come across as very weird sometimes. As a matter of fact, some of my stranger ones are written in my journals that you have.
58:38 Casper: What are some of the more memorable dreams that you've had and are there good ones that you have for your future and for the world? What are some of the dreams that you have for yourself?
58:48 Krysta: For starters, I have chronic nightmares. Any deviation from the repeating nightmares is usually something that I tend to pay attention to. I want to focus on the good stuff here instead of the bad. The last good dream I had was last night, as a matter of fact. I dreamed that I was able to meet back up with my child. And she was a grownup then and we were able to reconcile. Now I don't know if this is simply a wish fulfillment dream or a prophetic dream. Again, like I said, the trouble comes in trying to clear away all the subconscious clutter, but this was, and is a dream of mine, and it happened last night.
59:34 Casper: That's really powerful. When was the last time you had contact with her?
59:37 Krysta: When I was in county jail, 11 years ago, she wrote me a letter.
59:42 Casper: How old is she now?
59:44 Krysta: She is 21 as of this year. She was born on February 9th. Last time I talked to her was over a decade ago.
59:52 Casper: Well, I hope that that is more of a prophetic dream and you get to reconcile things with her and speak with her again soon.
How do you hope the Teleway will connect you two moving forward? And how will it help other people make connections?
1:00:06 Krysta: It would help me very much so to move forward. I have nightmares about that whole situation of having her ripped out of my arms. There’s no sense of closure. It completely screwed me up. I don’t necessarily know how to move forward. That would definitely help.
1:00:30 Casper: Thank you so much, Krysta. Do you have any final words?
1:00:33 Krysta: Uh, the one thing I want to say is that you guys out there, we have lots of love and light for you.
58:05 Krysta: Yes, I remember a lot more of my dreams than most people do, and I am not completely alien to prophetic visions in my dreams. My only problem is this filtering out the subconscious clutter from the actual gold nuggets of a prophecy that happened to come along with it. It's just some very interesting things, but my dreams, you should ask my husband, my dreams come across as very weird sometimes. As a matter of fact, some of my stranger ones are written in my journals that you have.
58:38 Casper: What are some of the more memorable dreams that you've had and are there good ones that you have for your future and for the world? What are some of the dreams that you have for yourself?
58:48 Krysta: For starters, I have chronic nightmares. Any deviation from the repeating nightmares is usually something that I tend to pay attention to. I want to focus on the good stuff here instead of the bad. The last good dream I had was last night, as a matter of fact. I dreamed that I was able to meet back up with my child. And she was a grownup then and we were able to reconcile. Now I don't know if this is simply a wish fulfillment dream or a prophetic dream. Again, like I said, the trouble comes in trying to clear away all the subconscious clutter, but this was, and is a dream of mine, and it happened last night.
59:34 Casper: That's really powerful. When was the last time you had contact with her?
59:37 Krysta: When I was in county jail, 11 years ago, she wrote me a letter.
59:42 Casper: How old is she now?
59:44 Krysta: She is 21 as of this year. She was born on February 9th. Last time I talked to her was over a decade ago.
59:52 Casper: Well, I hope that that is more of a prophetic dream and you get to reconcile things with her and speak with her again soon.
How do you hope the Teleway will connect you two moving forward? And how will it help other people make connections?
1:00:06 Krysta: It would help me very much so to move forward. I have nightmares about that whole situation of having her ripped out of my arms. There’s no sense of closure. It completely screwed me up. I don’t necessarily know how to move forward. That would definitely help.
1:00:30 Casper: Thank you so much, Krysta. Do you have any final words?
1:00:33 Krysta: Uh, the one thing I want to say is that you guys out there, we have lots of love and light for you.
OUTRO
1:00:46 Casper: When I think of Krysta, it’s hard not to smile and facepalm at the same time. Her humor and eccentricity bring such joy to our lives at A.B.O. We’re so grateful that she took the time to chat with us. She’s been a sustaining force for us for many years. There are days where the workload gets out of hand and I want to run for the hills, but just one conversation gives me the pick me up I need to continue. We hope that her energy brightens your day in the same way it consistently does ours.
Thank you to everyone who made this podcast possible. Shoutout to the Bay Area’s finest tattoo artist and my wife, Brett Baumgart, for their eternal support and assistance with every endeavor we pursue. Special thanks to our Teleway Conductors, Trig, L.A., Ollie, Caroline, Nic, Emma, Aryn, and Jo, for their countless hours spent ensuring that we can provide a voice for those that have been silenced. Our Patreon supporters help keep the Teleway fueled and running smoothly. Thank you to Adele, Jen, Theresa, and Em. If you would like your name read in a future episode, become one of our subscribers at patreon.com/aboomix. To find out how you can contribute to our cause, visit abocomix.com. That’s a-b-o-c-o-m-i-x.com.
Next stop, Brian Meegan at A.B.O. Headquarters in Oakland, California. Thanks for riding Teleway 411. Please remain seated as the Teleway proceeds forward in T-minus 3, 2, 1.
*Teleway startup*
Thank you to everyone who made this podcast possible. Shoutout to the Bay Area’s finest tattoo artist and my wife, Brett Baumgart, for their eternal support and assistance with every endeavor we pursue. Special thanks to our Teleway Conductors, Trig, L.A., Ollie, Caroline, Nic, Emma, Aryn, and Jo, for their countless hours spent ensuring that we can provide a voice for those that have been silenced. Our Patreon supporters help keep the Teleway fueled and running smoothly. Thank you to Adele, Jen, Theresa, and Em. If you would like your name read in a future episode, become one of our subscribers at patreon.com/aboomix. To find out how you can contribute to our cause, visit abocomix.com. That’s a-b-o-c-o-m-i-x.com.
Next stop, Brian Meegan at A.B.O. Headquarters in Oakland, California. Thanks for riding Teleway 411. Please remain seated as the Teleway proceeds forward in T-minus 3, 2, 1.
*Teleway startup*